How it begins. . .a case study

So- now that you know you have a cheating whore of a spouse (CWOAS), you will more than likely search your life, hell, you will turn it inside out and back. . .every SINGLE irregular moment and difference will become an instrument of torture. . .were they together when the store trip took too long, were they hooking up when the "last minute work emergency" lasted hours and in times like that, when you are facing the loooooong empty night, and wonder what you ever did to deserve it, when your mind starts to look for the "answers". . .I have 2 words for you. . .



STAND DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



In the aftermath of the infidelity "reveal"- I, too, took this highway to mental hell. . .and the end of the road saw me STILL cheated on. . .but now with a mental image nightmare vault FULL of self flagellation potential. . .and no answers



So, what's a person to do? Ignore this impulse? Let it run free? Drink heavily?



As with life, there is no easy answer to this reaction to having the person you love cheat, so I will share with you how I dealt with it-



Stage One- Assume Fetal position after kids are in bed, cry until your throat hurts, get up and refill the tear tanks. . .repeat



Stage 2- "TALK'* about your feelings with whoever will listen. . .store clerks are REALLY good listeners until your groceries are packed. . .or until they have to leave in order to avoid child labor law violations. . .but be careful, I was so good at this stage the WalMart Greeters tried to keep me out. . .and only said "welcome to Walmart" as I was LEAVING. . .some of the more colorful encounters I had during this stage included a man who asked me how it was going on the WORST. DAY.EVER. and literally RAN away from me in mid rant. . .and a woman who listened to me for about 10 minutes before asking " Do you want that movie ticket or have you had your fill of drama?"



*Assumes no expectation of volume level, profanity use, or clarity

Stage 3- ANGER OVERLOAD. . .one of the more intense parts of the process. . .where you can and will scare small children, junk yard dogs and bikers with the fury written all over your face. . .your voice will harden, your moods will flow. . .like lava. . .microwaved lava. . .and that will be on your good days. . .on your bad days, you will find yourself thinking about how angry you are. . .and then look at the clock and see it is time to make supper. . .the whole day consumed by your anger. . .fury, plans for vengeance, and destruction of the evil CWOAS. . .but a word of caution. . .do not, NOT, no matter how hard it is, unleash that fury in front of the kids. . .you will NEVER regret keeping it from them. . .especially in stage 4 with is-

Acceptance and moving on- harder than it sounds, but again, well worth it. It is here you will hopefully find something, ANYTHING, to make the future a better place for you and the fractured family you now have. . .I found continuing in grad school to be quite QUITE therapeutic, and also had the advantage of helping me see a way that I would be able to support my family. . .to never be in the place I was in. . .find your future, it will help your present. . .

There are more stages, I am sure- but I would rather share one of the more infamous events from Stage 3. . .just for fun-

Bag Boy- Paper or plastic?

Me- I bet she has fake boobs!

BB- Um. . .

Me- that is what probably got him. . .the gravity defying fake ta tas from hell. . .one look at those and he forgot all about us. . .me. . .

BB- Frozen foods in plastic?

Me- I was a GOOD WIFE TO HIM. . .really. . .I know I look a bit frumpy and well, face it, I had 6 kids, but really, I WAS A GOOD WIFE TO HIM. You believe me, right. . .um. . .Justin. . .here to help me. . .yes HELP ME JUSTIN. . .help me understand men, why would a man with 20 years of marriage DO THIS TO HIS FAMILY!!!

BB- Ummm, I am just here to pack your groceries, ma'am. . .

Me- MA'AM????? Did you just call me ma'am??!!?? I GO TO ROCK CONCERTS, I MOSH. . .I am no MA'AM. . .

Manager- I got this Justin. . .

Me- yes, paper please. . .

Sigh, gotta love stage 3. . .